A Little Late to the Party

So, this show isn’t really a feel good show. It’s a little funny, but it’s also a little dark. I don’t think it’s as realistic as prison really is (but I have no idea beyond what I see on TV). But the characters are good, likable, some you’re not supposed to like, and some are just plain creepy, but somehow manage to make you laugh. I’m still in the middle of watching it, so I can’t say to the whole show, but so far I like it. It’s one of those shows that I put on while I’m doing something else, so I may miss a few things but it doesn’t make me understand any less of what’s happening, if that makes sense. It’s based off a book of a woman’s real experiences in prison. (Warning: Language can get pretty bad!)

Stop Telling Me What I Want!

One day when you meet the right man, you will.

You say that now, but later on you’ll change your mind.

Your biological clock is ticking.

…all when someone hears that I don’t want to have children.

It’s not that I don’t like kids. I mean, I’m not particularly fond of most of them, but I love my nephews to death. But seeing my siblings raising them, seeing the issues that they have to deal with, it all just reassures me that I am not meant to have children.

I’m not patient enough. I’m not selfless enough. I’m just not enough to raise a child full time. I mean, I can babysit, but long-term, I think it would be a real struggle for me. Not to mention that I don’t particularly want to pass on my genes or my mental issues. Having PTSD, I just know that my paranoia would mess with a kid’s brain – being constantly on edge, hovering over them, watching their every move to make sure that nothing bad ever happens to them.

Also, things like tantrums and potty-training. Not my thing. Changing diapers for years? No, thank you. My mom did the math; between the three of us kids, she was changing diapers for seven years. SEVEN YEARS?!? No way. That’s too much poo for me.

So, thanks, but no thanks. If I ever feel like I want kids, I’ll adopt or do foster care or something. But I doubt I’ll ever even do that because I really don’t feel that urge to want to become a mother. And I never want to be told I’m making a mistake, I haven’t met the right man… blah, blah, blah.

It’s almost as if my identity as a woman is tied to whether or not I have children or that my worth/value is whether or not I have children. But it’s not! So stop asking people why they don’t have children! It’s a personal choice and oftentimes it’s for a personal reason that just because you asked, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to an answer. Deal with it.

Adorable YA Show

Heartstopper is an adorable show on Netflix. I binged it in one morning/early afternoon. The episodes are about 30 minutes long. It focuses on a group of kids in separate girls only school and boys only school in the UK. One of the kids is transgender. There are lesbians. The one of the main characters is openly gay – Charlie (played by Joe Locke). The other main character is in the process of exploring his sexuality, figuring out who he is – Nick Nelson (played by Kit Connor). It’s based off of a graphic novel by Alice Oseman. (Side note: it also has the amazing Olivia Colman in it.)

It might be that I was just really emotional that day, really soft, but I got attached to the kids pretty quickly and just had to know what was going to happen next with them. The show was good at making me care about the characters and really feel for them. It was so good. I highly recommend.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Family Etiquette 101

Do not talk politics with family!

I found out there’s an extended family member who is pro-life. Now, I know that everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think I’ve said on here before that I won’t talk about politics because it’s a hot-button issue. But the thing is, if you just never talk about the hard things, nothing will change. (Not that I think my little blog will change anything, but I still feel like I need to say where I stand and why.)

I am personally pro-choice. I’m a Christian, so in certain circumstances I don’t agree with abortion. But certain cases like when the mother’s life is in danger or the child’s is necessary. Or if it’s a child of incest or rape. But no matter what – it is a personal choice. It is a woman’s choice. It shouldn’t be decided in politics just like elective surgeries (e.g. breast augmentation, liposuction, fillers, etc.) shouldn’t be decided in politics. It is a woman’s personal choice.

I don’t think people who are pro-life are thinking about anything other than their religious beliefs and imposing them on other people – which is also wrong! I’m a Christian but I’m not going to go up to someone and tell them they’re going to hell for being a Hindu, Buddhist, pagan, Wiccan, etc. That isn’t up to me. God is the judge, not us. And he judges us based on our decisions. Decisions that are ours and not dictated to us by the government.

So, Roe v Wade, what did it do? To put it simply, it was a decision of the Supreme Court in 1973 that said the Constitution of the United States protects against a pregnant’s woman’s liberty to choose to have an abortion without excessive government restriction (here).

What does overturning it do? One, obviously, it takes away women’s choice to have an abortion. This means more women are having children, many of whom cannot afford to have a child. The average cost of a vaginal birth is $13,024. This is the price with no problems in delivery. If a C-section is required or chosen, without any complications, the average cost of a birth is $22,646. The average household income of the average American woman is $50,982. This is the average income – not everyone lives on this kind of income. Many people live month-to-month, minimum wage jobs. And these women are having children, having to pay the costs I reference above. Those are the average prices with no complications – many have complications. They have to pay for ambulance rides. Not to mention the cost of raising a child! There is little assistance for these women once they have the child, but people who are pro-life aren’t considering this or they simply don’t care. I believe most of them are imposing their religious beliefs on others (and a majority of them being Christian – which in my opinion, is not a good look for us).

Unborn babies can experience pain at 20 weeks gestational age. This is where things get tricky. I think maybe if they can give some kind of pain killer to the fetus, an abortion might be okay.

In 2008, 21.6 million unsafe (i.e. illegal) abortions were estimated to occur. This caused the death of approximately 47,000 deaths of women. There are so many statistics in that link, you should really read/skim the article.

Now, I found out a member of my mother’s family is pro-life (also pro-gun with a gun safe so heavy and large they had to reinforce the floor beneath it). This sent me on a rant about how unsafe it would be to make abortion illegal. And there is so much more information now – about specific states and their laws.

Okay, my ranting about this is over. I’m done. But seriously, if you’re not a woman – you don’t get to tell me what to do with my body. If you’re a different religion than me, you don’t get to dictate what I do or not do. My life is my life and no one else’s. My business is mine and mine alone. So stand up. Even if you’re a man. Speak up. Call your local senators, politicians, whoever. Call. Go to marches. Speak up. It’s about equal rights.

TV Friday!

A Very English Scandal is about a politician and a young man who enter into a relationship when being gay was against the law. Eventually the politician is outed – hence the scandal. It stars Hugh Grant and Ben Winshaw. There were some funny moments, and some unbelievable moments that made me google whether or not this story is true (it is).

If you’re looking for something new to put on while doing something else, I’d vote for this. It doesn’t really require all of your attention and you might not like it enough to give it all of your attention, but it isn’t too bad. You can find it on Amazon Prime Video.

There’s a season 2 that is a different “scandal.” I watched part of it, but it just didn’t do anything for me. To be honest, I fell asleep while watching it, so obviously it didn’t fully hold my interest.

Isolation vs Solitude

Solitude: the quality or state of being alone or remote from society; a lonely place (such as the desert)

Isolate: to set apart from others; to select from among others, especially to separate from another substance so as to obtain pure or in a free state; being alone; an individual socially withdrawn or removed from society

Solitude lets the enormity of our brainscape roam free. solitude allows our most sensitive feelings and memories and self-judgments to surface. Solitude frees us from what psychiatric science calls the spotlight effect: the tendency that we have in public to overestimate the attention others pay to our accomplishments, our errors, our appearance, and the words that come out of our mouths. Solitude unshackles us from the compulsion (for some, an addiction) to curate and display our lives on social media, thus allowing our interactions with ourselves, others, and the natural world to be entirely what they are in themselves, not superimposed upon an artificial narrative for which we seek validation and approval. Solitude allows our brains to form interconnected neural root strands beyond those we typically utilize.

Rooted: Life at the Crossroads of Science, Nature, and Spirit by Lyanda Lynn Haupt

My whole life I have always preferred solitude. Maybe that was part of my mental health issues, but even so. When I was growing up, I don’t remember ever having people spend the night at my house. I don’t remember going to anyone’s house to spend the night. My birthday is in the middle of summer so I never had friends from school for my birthday party. It never bothered me either. I didn’t mind it. My birthday is two days after my sister’s so for many years we shared parties. For even more years we were always with family. (I know that sounds pathetic probably, but at the time I really didn’t mind or feel bad about it.)

It is important to distinguish between positive solitude and unwanted isolation. To be beneficial, solitude must be willingly chosen, and there has to be an out-the option of returning to societal life if needed or wanted. The effects of chronic social isolation are grim, including a 26 percent higher mortality rate for people isolated from human company due to life circumstances than those who live with a modicum of human company

Rooted: Life at the Crossroads of Science, Nature, and Spirit by Lyanda Lynn Haupt

The thing is, I was okay with solitude. But now after so much solitude, it’s turned into isolation. During the pandemic, it’s been nice for me because I’m lucky in my situation. I don’t have to go to work. I did online schooling. I still live with my parents so I don’t worry about groceries. I know I’m lucky. I know I am, but it didn’t turn out so well for me because I never had to go out, so now my anxiety is worse. It’s a struggle for me to go outside. That is not good for someone who wants to move away for graduate school for my masters. I have to be able to get out and go places. I know that I’m an introvert though, so even as I force myself to go out, I have to remember to give myself permission and space to be in a positive, healthy solitude.

Comedy

You can find this show as a Netflix original – Feel Good. I feel like I should warn you though, there are drugs, alcohol, sex, and hints at sexual abuse. I don’t know if that triggers anyone but there’s the warning. It’s a semi-autobiographical show about the Canadian comedian Mae Martin. There are some hilarious moments, and there are some dark moments. There’s toxic relationships and some good ones. One of my favorite characters who isn’t in the show very often, but I really did like him. His name was Phil. I also really liked Mae (main character) – I liked the way she portrayed her negative relationships and the reality of it. They’re bad, both parties know they’re bad, but there’s still positive feelings there that don’t really make sense. It’s a good show. It’s one I watched twice. The episodes are about 30 minutes long and there’s six episodes each season (2 seasons).

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Finally Coming Out

Pride Month started to honor the 1969 Stonewall Uprising in Manhattan. It started out as just a march on June 28, 1970 – the anniversary of the the Stonewall Uprising – but pretty quickly spread to the entire month of June. The Stonewall Uprising started like a typical night – a police raid on a gay bar. What was different this time was that the gay patrons fought back! LGBT History Month is in October.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the acronym LGBT. But there are other variations of this acronym. LGBTQ, LGBTQIA+, LGBTQIA2S+. So what do all those letters mean?

L is for Lesbian – a homosexual woman

G is for Gay – homosexual (usually specifically about men)

B is for Bisexual – sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender; attracted to both men and women

T is for (1)Transgender, (2)Trans, or (3)Transsexual – (1) denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex; (2) denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex; (3) a transgender person, especially one whose bodily characteristics have been altered through surgery or hormone treatment to bring them into alignment with their gender identity

Q is for (1)Queer, (2)Questioning – (1) denoting or relating to a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms; (2) the process of a person determining their sexual orientation and/or gender identity

I is for Intersex – a person born with a combination of male and female biological traits; a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male

A is for (1)Asexual, (2)Allies – (1) a person who doesn’t experience sexual attraction; (2) a person who is not LGBT but who actively supports the LGBT community

2S is for 2 Spirit – a third gender found in some Native American cultures, often involving birth-assigned men or women taking on the identities and roles of the opposite sex; an umbrella term across American Indian and First Nations cultures for a person who embodies both male and female spirits within them

+ is for – used to signify all of the gender identities and sexual orientations that are not specifically covered by the other initials (pansexual, demisexual, agender, gender fluid, non-binary, polyamorous, sapiosexual, etc.)

This post is to give a small taste and explanation about what Pride Month is. I live in the south, so there’s not anything done for Pride month where I live specifically – nothing that I’m aware of anyway. But there’s something else.

I’m bisexual.

I told my mother that for the first time a couple weeks ago. I was so nervous coming out. I felt shame because everything in my culture and society said that what I am is wrong and means I’m going to hell. I didn’t want to upset my mother, stress her out, or hurt her. For a long, long time I said that I was sparing her the potential pain and trauma of knowing that about me, thinking that she would never need to know. But over the past several months, I’ve felt this need to share it with my mother, my best friend, the person I’m closest to. I started to cry before I even got the words out. And what I said in the beginning didn’t even make sense to her.

“Mom, I’m not straight,” I blubbered.

“Straight about what, honey?” she asked, all concerned and worried because I’m crying.

“I’m bi.”

“By what?” I continue to cry. “Oh! You’re not straight.”

That’s how it went. I had had two cups of coffee so my anxiety was through the flipping roof. I was scared. I felt like a child. But my mother took it with grace and love and made me feel secure and safe and loved.

She did add that I was the one who had to tell my father. Which, as of writing this, I have not done so yet.

My mother explained her position like this. God made us all the way we are. We don’t choose who we love, it’s not a choice whether you’re LGBTQIA+ or not. And if God made us that way, why would he not love us? And if he loves us, who are we to judge and condemn someone for being who they are?

It was really hard to not cry at that for me. She explained it so easily, so simply but with so much love in it. I really am very, very lucky. I’m blessed.

Below is a version of the bisexual pride flag. It’s also my phone background now. For Pride Month and in honor of my (at least halfway) coming out of the closet.

Happy Pride Month!