I’m not at all saying, “Don’t go your therapist anymore.” If you have one and it helps that’s awesome. I’m real happy for you. But I’ve had a different experience. Isn’t therapy a place where you go to be heard? I felt like my psychologist wasn’t hearing me. That made me feel like I just spent $240 to whine to someone. Which I’m pretty sure isn’t how therapy is supposed to work.
So maybe this is my therapy – writing to you, both of us anonymous. Doesn’t that make things easier? Isn’t it easier to be yourself because whoever is judging you still doesn’t know who you are. Sure, it makes it easier to bully and troll people too, but that’s easily taken care of by deleting and blocking users. We’re both anonymous. We can’t see each other. We might even pass each other in the street or driving on the road, but we’ll never know. That’s what I like about this. Anonymity. The good and the bad.
My therapist wanted me to use my writing to re-write the event over and over until it was easier. But some things can never be made easier and she wasn’t listening to me when I told her how uncomfortable that was – not just because it was emotionally difficult to do, but because it wasn’t going to help me. It really wasn’t. I knew it before the exercise and knew it afterwards. That’s what made me stop going. She was having me re-live this trauma again and again without getting any kind of result other than re-traumatizing me.
I guess my point is traditional therapy isn’t for everyone. I tried equine therapy that focused on my PTSD and it helped me more than anything I’d ever done. It helps that I like animals already, even though I’d never been around a horse in my life. If therapy isn’t working for you, don’t give up on it entirely. Try to find someone somewhere who does something different. I’d never been around horses but I was willing to try and it helped me so much. Don’t be scared to try something different if you can! It may surprise you.
I expected sunshine, heat, and hangin’ out in the pool. What do I get? Tropical Storm Alberto instead (still got the heat though so that’s nice). Where I am currently it’s just raining a lot, but I’m housesitting. But my house is on the coast right in the red warning zone. I’m further inland now but will still be feeling the effects of Alberto.
My prayers are with those in the areas affected and I hope there aren’t any damaging tornadoes either. I hope no trees fall into anyone’s house. I hope no one loses power.
I’ve experienced all of these and I know how painful it can be – both on your bank account and emotionally. So I pray that Alberto weakens and doesn’t create too much of a problem for those of us in the South in and around its path.
It’s been a while. Why? Life. Life just gets in the way of these kinds of things doesn’t it? We get so busy, so wrapped up in appointments and other obligations that the things we enjoy doing fade away.
Two members of my family are currently on a trip to France, so I’m house-sitting/pet-sitting for them. This basically means that I get a vacation. Now, I had planned on being able to lay out by the pool, swim when it got too hot. Unfortunately, the weather has other plans. It’s stormy and not ideal by the pool weather. So I’m vacationing inside. I didn’t bring a lot to do inside and I’ve run out of other things. Then, I remembered I had this blog!
There’s something freeing about having this blog, remaining anonymous. It’s like the masks on Mardi Gras. You can be whoever you want, or you can be the real you and take off the other mask you wear every day (like me). Having a blog means you need to be able to write. Well. Not sure I’ve got that bit down, but I’m trying and I’ve heard that the more you do it the better you get at it. Fingers crossed for me and for you, if you’re still reading this far (thanks). Another thing is that you have to have something to write about. That either forces you to go out and have a life, or be thoughtful and write something deep and meaningful after thinking about something for a long time and actually have something worth sharing, anonymous or not.
I guess it’s possible to just have a really crappy blog (like mine, currently). I’ve got to get better at using the computer (this site specifically), writing, and having a life. My anxiety or my PTSD or both make it very difficult to go out and do things. That means saying no to your friends until they just stop asking. I don’t mean to whine because this isn’t a blog about me whining. It’s going to mean something…eventually. Actually, it’ll probably just be like my brain whose focus bounces around like a wild ping-pong ball.
I apologize in advance if you’ve read this far. I also thank you. Next post will be me actually saying something, not just typing words about typing words.