Back in Therapy

This all started when I had to get a new doctor because mine was no longer doing teledoc or Telehealth or whatever it’s called. I finally found one, and he got me in to see a new therapist. I was dreading the first appointment – you know, going through everything that happened and why you’re there and whatnot. It’s exhausting. I came home ate dinner and fell asleep on the couch.

The thing is, despite it being exhausting, I felt like it actually went really good. As far as I can remember, the first appointment – you don’t actually get anything out of it, just giving the therapist all your background information. This first appointment, however, went quite the opposite. I feel like not only did we go through the background information (the difficult parts and the boring parts), but I really felt like I got something out of it, you know? She helped me some. She gave me a name of someone to look up who had interesting and helpful views for me in my situation.

I feel like we really clicked. Normally, or at least in my experience, the therapist doesn’t talk about themselves at all – which I completely understand. But she gave me some information about herself (only as in how it pertained to me in the context of what we were discussing). It made her seem like a real person and made me feel like how I “experience the world” (for lack of a better phrase) isn’t so alien at all. It’s one thing to know that everyone goes through something, and there’s someone who’s gone through the same thing I went through, but it’s something else to have that proverbial “someone” be a real person that you actually interact with. It was a really nice feeling. It helped me to think that I may not be as horrible a person as I think I am.

Bi Pride?

So I’ve been asked things along the line of, “Okay, so you’re not straight, do you have to go around being proud of it and shoving it in everyone’s face?”

Answer: yes

Explanation: It’s not exactly about shoving it in everyone’s face. It’s not my entire identity, just like your “straightness” isn’t your whole identity. The point of it is for those of us who can, be open and show that there’s nothing wrong with being who you are for those who can’t show who they really are. It’s about making it normal and making homophobia and transphobia not normal and unnatural. For those of us who can be open with our sexuality, we have to stand up for those who can’t be open. Our openness about it, our pride about it is a privilege. We have to exercise our privilege to give a hand up to those who don’t have it. Just like white privilege should be used as a power for good and help those around us and educate others to get rid of the ignorance. Ignorance breeds fear and hate. That goes for race, ethnicity, sexuality, and gender identity.

British Crime

This show is a spin-off of another British crime show that follows a detective named Morse. This show is about Morse in the very beginning of his career and it’s called Endeavour.

It starts out set in the 1960s in Oxford, England. Each episode is roughly an hour and a half. There’s nothing too gory in it, but it is really good. It focuses on mostly two characters, Morse (whose first name is Endeavour – which he hates and never uses) and a Fred Thursday. It’s a good set too – the cars, the clothes, the music. Being an hour and half, it can be sort of slow sometimes, but in my opinion, with all the twists and turns and connections made, the show really keeps my attention. It’s one that I can watch and not have to do anything else. I can sit there and just watch and stay awake and focused. I really enjoy it, and I hope you do too!

You can watch all 8 series on Amazon Prime Video.

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Where I’ve Been

So many things have happened since the last time I was on here. My grandmother has health issues and is going in for surgery. My dog had to have surgery and is still recovering from it. I had to scramble to find a new doctor which took a surprisingly long amount of time and caused a lot of serious anxiety. So that was fun. Right now I’m so tired, I have no doubt that I’m missing something, if not more than one thing, that has happened to keep me from the blog.

Anyway, so many things have just piled on top of me that this blog has had to take a back seat. Hopefully that will change soon. Until then, I’ll see you around! (I might be able to keep up my Friday posts…we’ll see!)

Documentary vs Drama

This is, like it says in the picture, a Netflix original documentary on the Michael Peterson case. The question is, did he murder his wife? There are so many twists in this documentary that leaves almost as many questions, if not more, than you started with. Did he do it? Did he not? Are the other, alternative situations, what actually happened? So interesting. It’s got a lot of episodes too, but it’s not the kind you can watch while doing something else because the family dynamics and relationships are confusing and you really need to pay attention. To me, though, it was worth it because it was so interesting.

Then there’s the drama version of the story on HBO. It was told with flashbacks, like when she was alive to after her death. It made figuring out the family dynamics and relationships confusing to figure out, but it was still a good show. I think it played out very well. Colin Firth played the role of Michael Peterson really well in my opinion. I can’t speak to how well Toni Collette played the role of Kathleen (Peterson’s deceased wife), but I think she’s a really great actress.

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Five Stars Hands Down!

The Last Kingdom is based on a book series by Bernard Cornwell. It’s about a Saxon boy who is captured by the Danes and taken as a slave. But he quickly becomes part of the family of the Danes. Then the rest of the story is somewhat about how he (Alexander Dreymon) balances the line between Saxon and Dane and who he is. I don’t want to give any spoilers away because it is so good. I mean, really good. It’s five seasons long on Netflix and well worth it! It’s just so good. So very, very good. I just finished bingeing it and I actually just want to watch it again. I’ve actually checked the first (of many) books from the library (because it’s good to support our local libraries).

I cannot praise it enough. I don’t know how true the show is to the books (yet), but the show is very good. I’ve heard the books are good and I like the show so much that I’m willing to risk tainting the love of the show with not liking the book. So I recommend it, especially if you like “Viking” things. Highly recommend.

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A Little Late to the Party

So, this show isn’t really a feel good show. It’s a little funny, but it’s also a little dark. I don’t think it’s as realistic as prison really is (but I have no idea beyond what I see on TV). But the characters are good, likable, some you’re not supposed to like, and some are just plain creepy, but somehow manage to make you laugh. I’m still in the middle of watching it, so I can’t say to the whole show, but so far I like it. It’s one of those shows that I put on while I’m doing something else, so I may miss a few things but it doesn’t make me understand any less of what’s happening, if that makes sense. It’s based off a book of a woman’s real experiences in prison. (Warning: Language can get pretty bad!)

Stop Telling Me What I Want!

One day when you meet the right man, you will.

You say that now, but later on you’ll change your mind.

Your biological clock is ticking.

…all when someone hears that I don’t want to have children.

It’s not that I don’t like kids. I mean, I’m not particularly fond of most of them, but I love my nephews to death. But seeing my siblings raising them, seeing the issues that they have to deal with, it all just reassures me that I am not meant to have children.

I’m not patient enough. I’m not selfless enough. I’m just not enough to raise a child full time. I mean, I can babysit, but long-term, I think it would be a real struggle for me. Not to mention that I don’t particularly want to pass on my genes or my mental issues. Having PTSD, I just know that my paranoia would mess with a kid’s brain – being constantly on edge, hovering over them, watching their every move to make sure that nothing bad ever happens to them.

Also, things like tantrums and potty-training. Not my thing. Changing diapers for years? No, thank you. My mom did the math; between the three of us kids, she was changing diapers for seven years. SEVEN YEARS?!? No way. That’s too much poo for me.

So, thanks, but no thanks. If I ever feel like I want kids, I’ll adopt or do foster care or something. But I doubt I’ll ever even do that because I really don’t feel that urge to want to become a mother. And I never want to be told I’m making a mistake, I haven’t met the right man… blah, blah, blah.

It’s almost as if my identity as a woman is tied to whether or not I have children or that my worth/value is whether or not I have children. But it’s not! So stop asking people why they don’t have children! It’s a personal choice and oftentimes it’s for a personal reason that just because you asked, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to an answer. Deal with it.

Adorable YA Show

Heartstopper is an adorable show on Netflix. I binged it in one morning/early afternoon. The episodes are about 30 minutes long. It focuses on a group of kids in separate girls only school and boys only school in the UK. One of the kids is transgender. There are lesbians. The one of the main characters is openly gay – Charlie (played by Joe Locke). The other main character is in the process of exploring his sexuality, figuring out who he is – Nick Nelson (played by Kit Connor). It’s based off of a graphic novel by Alice Oseman. (Side note: it also has the amazing Olivia Colman in it.)

It might be that I was just really emotional that day, really soft, but I got attached to the kids pretty quickly and just had to know what was going to happen next with them. The show was good at making me care about the characters and really feel for them. It was so good. I highly recommend.

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